


Waves

by Alexis_Shepard, SaraDrake



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 15:13:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12390681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexis_Shepard/pseuds/Alexis_Shepard, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraDrake/pseuds/SaraDrake
Summary: On a trip to Palaven, Garrus finds himself reflecting on the day his world fell apart. Regrets are explored and memories relived.Shakarian, sort of.





	Waves

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic after my evil girlfriend wanted some angst. I asked SaraDrake for help and appreciate it greatly. Have some angst, Shakarians. Enjoy this little one-shot.

The sea breeze tickled between his face plates as he stared out at the horizon, gaze fixed on the ocean waves lapping at the shore. It was nighttime, but he could still make out the rise and fall of the tide.

He used to love this ocean. Palaven didn’t have many and they were not as grand as Earth’s or Thessia’s, but this ocean was the only place he could find himself when he was younger. It brought him peace once. Now, it brought him pain and his chest tightened as memories came flooding in.

Streaks of red sliding from pillar to pillar, taking down any merc that got in the way of those fierce eyes. A grin and playful punch to his upper arm down by the Mako, telling stories of glories and miseries past. Unabashed laughter as he stood before her, confused once more by one of her human jokes.

In all the time he spent travelling the galaxy, Garrus had never found a star that shone as bright as Shepard’s smile did.  

He clenched his hands. His skin tingled where once a soft hand lay, grounding him. With her, he could do anything, be anything.

And now she was gone.

And even her distant echo had vanished from his thoughts long ago. It had been a year, but the bitter lump still closed his throat and regret taunted him with what might have been.

He wondered if she would be disappointed with who he had become. Would she turn her face from him?

He let out a sardonic chuckle. Of course she would hate him. He was not the same. He sought out justice, no matter the cost. He didn’t have her finesse, her wisdom. He didn’t have someone to tell him to step back and think.

He was a shell of who he once was.

And a part of him did not care.

There was a fine line between hero and villain and he danced the edges. He rode the lightning that coursed through his veins, the excitement of the hunt. Maybe it was an addiction? Maybe it was a distraction.

“Archangel,” he whispered.

That was the name whispered in the tunnels through Omega. That was the name that brought dread and fear. Yet for some, it brought hope.

“Odd, isn’t it? That in your tongue, ‘Angel’ means messenger.”

It was a twisted joke. He would do anything to get a message to her. A message he’d been too afraid to send when she stood before him, captivating him with her intensity. A wish dragged by the ocean waves and delivered to her, wherever she might be. A confession of all the things he should have said, of the words he should have let escape.

His hands twisted, lips holding back a scream entrapped in his lungs. He wanted to scream at the universe. Cry out at the injustice of taking someone so pure and good away from him. Someone he did not deserve but would do anything to have.

His hands shook. A part of him felt guilty for not being there. He wanted to claw out his heart from betraying her.

_I’ll always have your back, Shepard._  

He failed. Like with everything else he has ever done, he failed. First, his father and now Shepard. Who else would be swept away in his lies? Torn away from him too soon, leaving him with too many regrets and not enough strength left to care.

Footsteps sounded from behind him. He didn’t turn, but knew who it was. Sidonis was the only person left he trusted with his life. What they were doing was good, to an extent. Cleaning the garbage off Omega was the least he could do to live up to Shepard. She deserved that, at least.

“It’s time, Garrus.”

Garrus merely nodded, prompting Sidonis to turn and leave. He took in one deep breath, taking in the smell of the ocean. It reminded him a lot of her. Like the waves, she was wild and unpredictable. When she wanted, she could ravage her surroundings or protect those around her. Shepard had been the ocean. His refuge.

With her gone, he had no safe place.

“I’m sorry, Shepard.” His voice was weak, but it was all he could muster. Without a final glance, Garrus turned his back to the ocean and walked away, a deep emptiness swarming his mind.


End file.
